Politicians
Recently my friend gave me a link to a politician's website. I couldn't help but read then get hooked and curse every swear word i know at the same time. IMO i think all politicians are either full of shit or a hypocrite or both. So ive decided i would dedicate this post to all the politicians in Malaysia. Congrats on making complete fools out of yourselves. Here goes..
There are two squashed corpses on the North-South highway. One is a dead dog, the other is a dead politician. What's the difference?
There are skid marks before the dog.
Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning. As she passed a small boy she saw that he had a box full of puppies. She stopped and asked the little boy what kind of puppies he had. He looked up proudly and said, 'They're all Democrats.' Hillary was pleased as she just jogged away. She returned home and told her husband the story.
About a week later Bill was jogging by a young man with a box full of puppies. He stopped and asked the young boy what kind of puppies they were. The boy looked up confidently and said, 'They're all Republicans.' Somewhat puzzled, Bill asked him if he was the same boy that had told Hillary about his Democrat puppies. The boy said yes. Bill then asked him if he had a new box of puppies.
'No,' said the boy, 'they are the same pups.'
Bill asked, 'How can they be Democrats last week and Republicans this week?'
The young boy said cheerfully, 'Last week when they had their eyes closed, they were Democrats. Now that their eyes are open they are Republicans.'
Three plastic surgeons met at a conference. The first, an American talks about his latest triumph in Californian reconstruction. 'A guy as shot to pieces in a shoot-out. All we had left was his right ear. We took the ear, reconstituted the entire body and now he's back at work. In fact, he replaced six men.'
The English plastic surgeon promptly tops the story. 'We had a nuclear accident at a power station, and all that was left was a single strand of hair. We took that hair, reconstructed the entire human being and now he's back at work at the power station. As a matter of fact he has replaced twenty men.'
The Malaysian surgeon was unimpressed. 'I was walking along a street a few weeks ago and smelt a fart. I trapped it in a bottle, got back to the hospital, manage to constitute it into an arsehole and then into an entire human body. That guy's now the Prime Minister of Malaysia and he's put a million out of work.'
President Bush wakes up one winter's morning and goes to the window of his bedroom to look at the freshly fallen snow on the White House lawn and is aghast to see, written in what is obviously urine, the legend 'Bush sucks'. Furious, he calls his CIA chief and bellows that this incident has ruined his whole day and they'd better find the culprit immediately. The CIA chief scuttles off and later that day fronts Bush in the Oval Office and says, 'Sir, we have good news and bad news. The good news is that we can unequivocally tell you who the culprit is. We've run the piss sample through spectrometers, the CIA computers and a urine-inspect-o-nalysis doo-dad and without a shadow of a doubt I can tell you, it was Barrack Obama!'
President Bush reels in shock and gasps, 'Barrack Obama! That's the good news? What on earth could the bad news be?'
'Well sir,' says the CIA chief, 'the handwriting's Laura's.'
A politician was driving a constituent and her young son through Kings Cross when the son pointed out at some women loitering on the footpath and asked her, 'What are those ladies waiting for?'
To which she replied, 'Son, they are waiting for their husbands to come pick them up after work.' Whereupon the politician, obviously Labor, cut in and said, 'Lady, you can't shield you son from the real world. Admit to him that they're prostitutes.' The boy then asked, 'Mummy, do prostitutes have babies?' To which the mother replied, 'Of course son, where do you think politicians come from?'
LOL
There are two squashed corpses on the North-South highway. One is a dead dog, the other is a dead politician. What's the difference?
There are skid marks before the dog.
Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning. As she passed a small boy she saw that he had a box full of puppies. She stopped and asked the little boy what kind of puppies he had. He looked up proudly and said, 'They're all Democrats.' Hillary was pleased as she just jogged away. She returned home and told her husband the story.
About a week later Bill was jogging by a young man with a box full of puppies. He stopped and asked the young boy what kind of puppies they were. The boy looked up confidently and said, 'They're all Republicans.' Somewhat puzzled, Bill asked him if he was the same boy that had told Hillary about his Democrat puppies. The boy said yes. Bill then asked him if he had a new box of puppies.
'No,' said the boy, 'they are the same pups.'
Bill asked, 'How can they be Democrats last week and Republicans this week?'
The young boy said cheerfully, 'Last week when they had their eyes closed, they were Democrats. Now that their eyes are open they are Republicans.'
Three plastic surgeons met at a conference. The first, an American talks about his latest triumph in Californian reconstruction. 'A guy as shot to pieces in a shoot-out. All we had left was his right ear. We took the ear, reconstituted the entire body and now he's back at work. In fact, he replaced six men.'
The English plastic surgeon promptly tops the story. 'We had a nuclear accident at a power station, and all that was left was a single strand of hair. We took that hair, reconstructed the entire human being and now he's back at work at the power station. As a matter of fact he has replaced twenty men.'
The Malaysian surgeon was unimpressed. 'I was walking along a street a few weeks ago and smelt a fart. I trapped it in a bottle, got back to the hospital, manage to constitute it into an arsehole and then into an entire human body. That guy's now the Prime Minister of Malaysia and he's put a million out of work.'
President Bush wakes up one winter's morning and goes to the window of his bedroom to look at the freshly fallen snow on the White House lawn and is aghast to see, written in what is obviously urine, the legend 'Bush sucks'. Furious, he calls his CIA chief and bellows that this incident has ruined his whole day and they'd better find the culprit immediately. The CIA chief scuttles off and later that day fronts Bush in the Oval Office and says, 'Sir, we have good news and bad news. The good news is that we can unequivocally tell you who the culprit is. We've run the piss sample through spectrometers, the CIA computers and a urine-inspect-o-nalysis doo-dad and without a shadow of a doubt I can tell you, it was Barrack Obama!'
President Bush reels in shock and gasps, 'Barrack Obama! That's the good news? What on earth could the bad news be?'
'Well sir,' says the CIA chief, 'the handwriting's Laura's.'
A politician was driving a constituent and her young son through Kings Cross when the son pointed out at some women loitering on the footpath and asked her, 'What are those ladies waiting for?'
To which she replied, 'Son, they are waiting for their husbands to come pick them up after work.' Whereupon the politician, obviously Labor, cut in and said, 'Lady, you can't shield you son from the real world. Admit to him that they're prostitutes.' The boy then asked, 'Mummy, do prostitutes have babies?' To which the mother replied, 'Of course son, where do you think politicians come from?'
LOL
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