Classics

A young Chinese student was travelling in a train compartment with a ferocious soldier, an old lady an a stunningly attractive young lady. The train went through a tunnel. In the darkness they heard a kiss followed by a resounding smack. When they came out of the tunnel the soldier was rubbing a very swollen face, and they each contemplated what must have just happened...
The old lady thought, 'What a proper young lady that is to chastise the soldier for his unwelcomed advances.'
The young lady thought, 'Why would the soldier want to kiss the old lady instead of an attractive person like me?'
The soldier thought, 'That student is a lucky asshole. He gets to kiss the young lady and i get the smack.'
But the student knew all along, 'I'm a cunning fellow. I kiss the back of my hand, give the soldier one tight slap and get away with it'

An American oil-drilling company was erecting a new offshore platform in total isolation. Their industrial psychologists was concerned about the effect this might have on the crew. It was therefore decided to test the reactions of three men. An Englishman, an American ans the inevitable Chinese were selected and told to pick out their favourite leisure gear to help them cope with the next three months completely on their own in the middle of the ocean.

The American turned up with a suitcase, the Englishman with five huge plastic bags and the Chinese with only his hands in his pockets.

The industrial psychologists was naturally very curious so he took turns to interrogate each of them. The American explained that he was taking his Linguaphone records and books to learn languages. The Englishman said he had 5000golf balls to help improve his driving skills.

Then they quizzed the Chinese who produced a packet of tampons from his pocket. reading aloud from the label, 'With this you can go swimming, scuba diving, aerogliding, dancing and do aerobics.'

The Australian, the Frenchman and the Canadian were bragging about their sexual escapades with their respective partners.

'After i have zee sex wiz my wife,' said the Frenchman, 'I cover her wiz crepes suzette and eat it sensually off her silky bare skin. She becomes so excited she rises centimetres off zee bed.'

'When i screw my wife,' drawled the Canadian, 'I pour maple syrup on her and lick it off slowly. She's in so much goddamn ecstasy she rises feet off the bed.'

'Me?' says the Aussie. 'When I'm done with my old lady i wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the roof.'